Here’s Noel Fielding’s ill-advised appearance at the now infamous 2009 Royal Variety Performance.

The Queen (who is known to hate all forms of animal whimsy after one of her corgis was hijacked and driven full speed into St. Paul’s Cathedral by a gang of disenfranchised diabetic walruses wearing basques) grew tired of his act quite quickly, bellowing at the stage ‘One does not find your lazy juxtapositioning of wildlife with random foodstuffs amusing, so stick your pepperoni penguins up your Shoreditch arse!’

She then passed a law that made it illegal to give animals surnames in comedy routines, beheaded Fielding with an axe made from cauliflower tears and sprinted off in the direction of Balmoral.