Here’s Johnny Depp’s ill-advised appearance at the now infamous 2009 Royal Variety Performance.

Booked to do a quick link and introduce the Pilobolus Dancers, he seemed to drop a hint about his new Tim Burton movie ‘Homepride’ based on the bowler hatted characters from the flour adverts. That’s when the Queen became vocal.

“How dare you” she thundered. “This isn’t the forum to be hawking your cheap shoddy wears! And another thing…Don’t you make films without a …British Accent these days? I’m the Queen and I’m in charge of English words, and I say it’s a travesty that your kind is shamelessly mangling my dialect. You’re a hair’s breadth away from Dick Van Dyke and it turns my stomach.”

The Queen then ordered her manservant to spit in the direction of the visibly crushed Depp. “And further more – you totally ruined that sketch on The Fast Show” she added. “I’ll tell you what will suit you sir” she quipped, “A beheading!”

Johnny Depp was later executed publically in Fleet Street, 1936.